Tonight I pretended to be normal. I think I even looked normal. Casually, I sat next to another soccer mom, and we chatted for an hour and a half while Sarah practiced. I let my papers remain in my bag, untouched and ungraded. I didn’t even pretend to grade papers to assuage my guilt. I didn’t reach into the bag. NOT ONCE! I didn’t lift my grading pen. NOT ONCE! I didn’t answer any emails. I sat and talked and watched the team practice. I enjoyed just being there. I enjoyed being present.
Basically, I pretended to be normal. I let go of my frazzled overworked self. I let go of the things unfinished. I set aside my teacher identity (well, except for a few slip ups in conversation). I allowed myself to be normal. I allowed myself to be present. I let myself stop and relax.
The masquerade is over. The papers await. In a little bit, I will wield my pen and grade some more, tap on the keyboard and plan some more, look at some resources and read some more, go to the LMS and post some more.
I think I need to pretend to be normal more often. Normal might be boring, but at this point in my life, I think I’d like a little boring.
Maybe I shouldn’t open my school bag; maybe I should watch mindless TV. Maybe I should indulge in more normalacy. I used to talk of a “school free” night where my husband and I wouldn’t grade papers or do any schoolwork. Maybe the school free night needs to come back to my house. The whole family could pretend to be normal, and we could celebrate Normalacy Night.
Not sure I can do it, but right now the idea sounds like something I’d like to try.
Normalacy. Presence. Relaxation. Stopping. Family time. Yes, these sound good.
Don’t become concerned. I won’t stay normal long. I’ll just play the role every now and then.