Yes. I suppose you know this blog’s for you. I suppose you also know that over the past four years there has been a time or 2 or perhaps 50 where I didn’t really like you.
As you strategically connected the dots, readjusting along the way, working to create a picture, from my myopic perspective many a time you were mean, controlling, cutthroat, unappeasable, and inflexible. Like I have blogged before you were an eight feet tall presence, the man in black with a scary gameface.
As you know me better now, you know that without a big picture and a vision, I am lost. The path wasn’t clear to me, it flat out didn’t make sense, and many a time I felt misguided. Perhaps that’s why a time or two or fifty I was perhaps your path of greatest resistance. You, on the other hand, with your nuts and bolts strategies didn’t always find it necessary to divulge the bigger picture you were seeking to create.
Add to that, I’m not a backing down sort of woman. I’m impulsive. I’m passionate. I’m pedagogical. I lack a filter. I like to impulsively share many ideas (even the ones that aren’t best), and I have a hard time building and maintaining procedures. These traits of ADD and otherwise are what make me engaging, knowledgeable, and rigorous. These same traits make me seem self-righteous, egotistical, and disrespectful.
Today as I hold up the dot to dots you connected and see a clearer picture of myself as a better person and our school as a much better place, I look back at the dots and understand why you connected them in the order you did, and I realize that the big picture I had in my mind was missing quite a few dots needed to make it complete.
Here are a few of the dots I have connected:
- There is a time, a place, and a way to share what I believe.
- Sometimes I need to seek the advice of someone who thinks differently than I do.
- I can change things about myself that I didn’t think possible.
- In a moment of sharing, my passion, pedagogy, and vision may be perceived by some as know-it-all rhetoric (see number 1).
- Take the bad with the good. Let the good remind me of my worth–use the bad/constructive feedback as a building tool.
- Focusing on too much at once is a sure fire way to get lost and lose others (both young and old).
- As I seek to understand others, I will find myself better understood, but more importantly, I will better understand myself and ultimately others as well. Plus, it will make me a better teacher.
- I won’t make it to the top of the mountain. Accepting that and continuing my own personal climb is truly what defines me.
- I need to do better at shutting down, winding down, and family time. Ultimately that time will make me better as a teacher and person.
- Being open-minded, suspending my disbelief, and letting go of what I think is true is at times crucial to my own growth and learning. Wisdom might come from where I least expect it.
I got to know that man better, and I kind of like him.
For those times you didn’t like me and for the time you invested in getting to know me better, I am thankful. I’ll miss our witty banters, our deep conversations, and your continuous push.